Re-learning Fearlessness

I remember walking into a class in San Jose State University, nearly 8 yrs ago, and realizing that everyone around me was just simply amazing. I had left India with minimum training in Jazz and Indian Contemporary Dance, and had come here in search of something, I wasn't quite sure what. My first contact with Modern Dance and I knew why I was here, miles away from home, and the only life I had even known.
At that point I had never even seen a Ballet piece, never heard of Jose Limon, let alone Release Technique, Performance Art and all the incredible things that existed and captured my imagination. Everything was fresh and exciting and I surrendered to it all. I was not worried about being the only person in a Ballet class who did not know what a pique turn was. In fact, I was quite FEARLESS. I auditioned for the companies on campus, for things outside, attended classes which were meant for advanced technicians and I just soaked up everything. I improvised in fountains, met inspiring artists, created works in dilapidated construction buildings, and questioned EVERYTHING.
Now, eight years later, I feel that even though I am still as excited about dance, I have learnt to look at things with a critical eye, sometimes too-critical, where I find myself analyzing things even as I partake in them. But what I  miss is not my sense of wonder, but my fearless-less; my ability to go into any scenario without questioning my abilities. I remember taking Miguel Gutierrez's composition class at the American Dance Festival in 2005, and again in 2006, where one of the assignments was to not censor ourselves. It was incredibly easy then, I NEVER censored anything. I often felt that some of my works were misfits in the choreographic concerts of San Jose State University. But I never thought to alter them.
Now I find myself hesitating, even before I begin creating. Sometimes I look at a workshop that I would love to do, or an audition that I am interested in attending, but self-doubt plagues me. I am not sure how and why this has happened. All I know is that it has. And the more skills and experience I acquire, the more insecure I become. This year, I really want to rediscover that curiosity that I had, which went beyond fear. I want to be FEARLESS again. I want to be willing to fail. I want to be rid of this self-imposed pressure to live up to something and be something. I want to be in tune with myself and simply create and dance, because what else is there to do...