Working with an injury

As a dancer, there is nothing more frustrating than being injured.

I have mostly been lucky in this regard but this Fall I had this excruciating pain in my knees. It was just this chronic pain that would not go away. Yes I was told to rest but how does a dancer not dance? I mean is that even a choice?

Anyways I struggled through my classes and I also did our bi-annual show. Now when I look at the footage I feel like I totally sucked! But I know I did the best that I could at that point. An injury is physically daunting and mentally exhausting! At least people around me were super supportive which was fabulous. I tried everything from Ayurvedic oil, ginger, excessive painkillers, icing my knees, drinking joint juice, massages...you name it, I tried it!

Now after resting my knees for about 2 months, I am anxious to be back in the studio but also apprehensive about how my body will react. The doctor said my body is "too delicate for this profession." So now I have more supplements than even my 90+ grandma, doing physiotherapy twice a day and yesterday I attended my first yoga class in months and struggled through everything!

I am trying to be patient with my body (what choice do I really have?) Meanwhile, I know I have to overcome this so I will continue to strengthen my supporting muscles, take proper supplements and hope I can dance forever!

Dancing by the Visually Impaired

I always think of dancing as being a very visual activity.

Recently, I had the opportunity to judge a dance competition at the Center for Blind Women, in New Delhi, thanks to my friend Lado who teaches yoga at the Center. What did I expect? I don't know.

All I know is that I was blown away. From the guy who took off his jacket and threw it on stage, to the girl who showed her adas in "Maar Daala," each one of them brought their unique personality, their passion for dance and their determination. Some of them were so good that I didn't even realize that they had a problem with their vision until they would turn and then end up facing a wrong direction, away from the audience and continue dancing.

It was inspiring and humbling. One girl was on the verge of stepping off the stage several times but the volunteer helped orient her. But she kept dancing undeterred.


I have attended workshops where we had to move with our eyes closed. It can be terrifying! And to do a choreographed dance with intricate footwork, without your vision to guide you can be really challenging.

Watching these kids dance their hearts out despite their limitations just made me really happy! And watching their faces light up, I knew they were happy as well.  It just made me appreciate the magic of dance; it can truly cross all barriers...

Living and loving Cricket

Cricket is the common language, the unifying thread that binds our entire nation together. I know people in Pakistan, Sri Lanka and various other countries feel the same. The lull when our team is losing and the euphoria when we are close to victory seep through the entire nation's consciousness.

Even though I wish I was in India to celebrate our team winning the World Championship, the passion was no less here in the Bay Area. All night vigils for every match were taking place in the Community Center. The match would begin at 2:00 a.m. but from midnight, the dancing and dhols would begin. The night would begin with beer and end up with endless cups of chai and hundreds of people flocked to the community center to watch the matches. Indian flags of all sizes dominated the landscape and the color blue was prevalent. Chanting and cheering was constant.

One of the most overwhelming things was singing the National anthem together (something that I have not done since I left India in 2003). From then till the end of the match, each moment was punctuated with collective gasps, cheers, sighs - a mere echo of an entire nation holding its breath.

I loved seeing so many Pakistanis in India during the India-Pakistan match. It was so great to see cordial relationships between the players and audiences. Despite both the nations' hunger to win, the aura was relaxed and the environment was of one of mutual support. Shahid Afridi won everyone's hearts by his honest and humble words and of course by his talent on the field. My heart went out to the talented Pakistani team (there were so many really young players and they were just incredible!).

This spirit of mutual respect and appreciation has characterized all the matches this time. I know cricket is not just a game for us. But it doesn't need to become a war. Even as it brings us together as a nation, it is not necessary to alienate other nations. So the Hindu v/s Muslims rubbish in the India-Pakistan match and the Ram v/s Ravan crap in the India-Sri Lanka matches was just ridiculous. The people who propagate such hatred are undermining the positivity and hope that our cricket team brings to us.

We really saw some wonderful cricket in the World Cup. The matches were nail-biting, exciting and the teams poured their hearts and souls into the games. Today I just feel so incredibly proud of our team for struggling against the best teams in the world and coming on top. Their fighting spirit is and will continue to be an inspiration to us all.


Thank you to the our amazing team for bringing us the World Cup. In this moment we can forget everything else and just revel in the feeling of being the World Champions. Thank you for all that you have given us; words can never explain how the nation feels right now...

Thoughts on the movie "Dhobi Ghaat"

I saw Dhobi Ghaat a few nights ago and absolutely loved it. It is just visually stunning. I know a lot of people will dismiss it as being too "artsy" but the movie has so much soul. It is extremely well acted for the most part, though there were parts where Monica Dogra is a bit irritating. Aamir Khan's silent presence enhances the movie and the shots of him painting are just wonderfully sensual. I was especially captivated by Kriti Malhotra who plays the character of Yasmin, a girl seen only through video tapes, made for her brother, in lieu of letters. Besides Yasmin, the other unforgettable character is Munna, brought to life by Prateik Babbar. I have only seen Prateik Babbar in "Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na", where he has a minor role. I enjoyed his acting then but in "Dhobhi Ghaat" he emerges as an extremely talented actor, who is able to capture the various nuances of his character, Munna.

It was also really interesting to see Mumbai, through all these different perspectives. Unlike "Slumdog Millionaire", in which one basically sees the poverty, dirt and darkness of Mumbai, in "Dhobhi Ghaat" one sees so many different aspects: the monsoon, the smell of the ocean, hints of the Underworld, the struggle to find accommodation, and so much more. It is a full bodied picture, where the city comes to life as much as the characters who dwell in it. I liked how Shai who is from New York wants to capture the street life of Mumbai, and Munna who lives on those streets, can only see the dirt and despair clogging them. The photographer looks at the streets for inspiration, but the dhobhi wants to escape from the streets, just as the artist looks at Yasmin's innocent beauty and her quiet wonder of life for inspiration, as she tries to step out of that life.


The dynamics of the relationships were visualized well, especially the Shai-Munna relationship. The chasm of class becomes visible at the very onset when he visits her house to delivers clothes, and she offers him tea, to find that her maidservant serves his tea in a glass and hers in a porcelain cup.This becomes pronounced towards the end, when her friends are buying weed from a dealer and she sees Munna with him. She hides behind the tinted glasses of the car, so she doesn't have to acknowledge him in their presence. 

I was completely drawn into the movie. It was just breathtakingly beautiful, achingly subtle. It is not the kind of movie one watches simply to be entertained. At the same time it is not tedious or distant. There are so many heart-felt moments but unlike a lot of Bollywood movies it is not over-dramatic. Not all the strings are tied at the end. Not all questions are answered. Not everything is resolved. But it is a movie that stays with you; I know I will be thinking about it for a long time...

Re-learning Fearlessness

I remember walking into a class in San Jose State University, nearly 8 yrs ago, and realizing that everyone around me was just simply amazing. I had left India with minimum training in Jazz and Indian Contemporary Dance, and had come here in search of something, I wasn't quite sure what. My first contact with Modern Dance and I knew why I was here, miles away from home, and the only life I had even known.
At that point I had never even seen a Ballet piece, never heard of Jose Limon, let alone Release Technique, Performance Art and all the incredible things that existed and captured my imagination. Everything was fresh and exciting and I surrendered to it all. I was not worried about being the only person in a Ballet class who did not know what a pique turn was. In fact, I was quite FEARLESS. I auditioned for the companies on campus, for things outside, attended classes which were meant for advanced technicians and I just soaked up everything. I improvised in fountains, met inspiring artists, created works in dilapidated construction buildings, and questioned EVERYTHING.
Now, eight years later, I feel that even though I am still as excited about dance, I have learnt to look at things with a critical eye, sometimes too-critical, where I find myself analyzing things even as I partake in them. But what I  miss is not my sense of wonder, but my fearless-less; my ability to go into any scenario without questioning my abilities. I remember taking Miguel Gutierrez's composition class at the American Dance Festival in 2005, and again in 2006, where one of the assignments was to not censor ourselves. It was incredibly easy then, I NEVER censored anything. I often felt that some of my works were misfits in the choreographic concerts of San Jose State University. But I never thought to alter them.
Now I find myself hesitating, even before I begin creating. Sometimes I look at a workshop that I would love to do, or an audition that I am interested in attending, but self-doubt plagues me. I am not sure how and why this has happened. All I know is that it has. And the more skills and experience I acquire, the more insecure I become. This year, I really want to rediscover that curiosity that I had, which went beyond fear. I want to be FEARLESS again. I want to be willing to fail. I want to be rid of this self-imposed pressure to live up to something and be something. I want to be in tune with myself and simply create and dance, because what else is there to do...

Piercing and Healing: My Acupuncture Experience

Alternative healing, naturopathy, homeopathy and Ayurveda have always been a huge part of my life. Popping pills and taking medication was something we (my family) just didn't do! Having a grandmother who continues to practice yoga at the age of 90, a mother who has studied reiki, an aunt and uncle who are homeopathic doctors, my inclination to explore non-traditional healing methods is TREMENDOUS. As a kid, when contracting colds became a frequent phenomenon, my mom took me and my brother to an ashram, where they taught us jal neti, where you pour water up one nostril and it comes out of the other, to irrigate the sinuses. Many years later, my mother studied acupressure, and eventually acupuncture (even though she cannot practice the latter, as one needs to be a medical doctor for the same).

From http://www.kapuracu.com

So basically I am giving the background as to how I landed up in an acupuncturist's clinic; why I agreed to succumb to needles being put into me, given my phobia of needles. (This does not include piercings as I have 11 of those!) I decided to get acupuncture in India because its more affordable and my mom could accompany me, as I was TERRIFIED. In fact, it was she who suggested I try it. This was because my knees were beginning to hurt, and there was stiffness in my neck and back, due to excessive dancing. And by the time I went to the clinic, I also had a horrible cold and sinus. (shouldn't have stopped that jal neti!)

Doctor Raman and Sunita Kapur's Clinic in GK 1, New Delhi, is well known, but I was still not prepared for the large number of people who flocked there. They do acupuncture for all kinds of ailments, diseases, for quitting smoking as well as for cosmetic reasons. They conduct a test using a specialized instrument which they place on your palms and determine where the "blockages" are. Acupuncture is based on the concept of Qi, the life energy in the body, and needles are inserted to allow it to FLOW and rejuvenate, by removing any BLOCKAGES.

From http://www.silverpointacupuncture.com

My first day and I had 27 needles in me, including 7 on my FACE. But almost immediately, I could feel a relaxing sensation and a flow of energy within me. There were several needles on my knees, and they put herbal pellets called moxa through them, which were burnt to allow the heat to seep into the knees. I know it sounds INTENSE, but it was actually really soothing. 30 minutes later, they came in and removed the needles. The sinus went away in about 3 days and the gradually the deep ache in my knees eased too. 10 days and over a hundred needles later, I felt GREAT!

Now that I am back in the studio, dancing for several hours at a time, I am glad I spent that time taking care of my body. I would highly recommend acupuncture to anyone who has any chronic pains (though my pain wasn't caused by any medical condition like arthritis, it was more due to the high impact of dancing). Doctor Raman Kapur is FANTASTIC; my only criticism is that the clinic tends to be really NOISY. The staff chatter constantly and sometimes are just a bit haphazard. There were few times when my mother had to remind them to put the moxa, or tell them that my session was over. The most annoying was one day when the moxa was too hot, I rang the bell for the staff and no one showed up! My mom just added extra paper, but that is not the point.

Overall it was a good experience, though I wish that the atmosphere was more peaceful. But my pain has VANISHED so I can't really complain!

Thoughts on ZANGOORA: the Bollywood Musical Extravaganza

As I arrived at the Kingdom of Dreams, I was dazzled by the massive SCALE and GRANDEUR of the setting, the sprawling culmination of art, culture and cuisine. Faithful to the resplendent settings, the musical 'Zangoora', showcased in the Nautanki Mahal, is nothing less than magnificent in terms of the production and the scale. The world of the Kingdom of Dreams, located in Gurgaon, Haryana, (just beyond New Delhi) is comparable to the theaters of Las Vegas.

'Zangoora' itself has a fairly traditional plot which would make a weak movie but works for the musical. What was extremely DISAPPOINTING for me, was the choreography. It seemed, since the sets were so sensational, the choreography simply relied on the large number of people, the amazing costumes and the use of props. There didn't seem to be a lot of thought put into it, and having seen Shiamak Davar's shows in the past, it seemed like a recycling of old ideas. There was nothing that was unique or fresh. The dancers performed well and I know that musicals rely on stereotypes but everything that is Bollywood does not need to be so CHEESY (for lack of a better word!)

There were some dances that were stronger than others such as Gauhar Khan (Laatchi's) dance (I have forgotten the song, but it is right after she finds out that Zangoora doesn't love her) which she performed with skill and intensity, and the sculptural choreography worked well. Her body language was very powerful; in fact her emotions and personality were better portrayed by her dancing than her acting.

I was not very moved by Kashmira Irani. She is a graceful dancer but her performance was not riveting. It was beautiful without being touching. Her lyrical movement was somewhat convincing, but she could not do justice to the more typical item songs like 'Mehbooba Mehbooba,' and 'Choli ke Peeche' was particularly disappointing.

The actor who played Zangoora (Hussain did not perform that night!) had a certain ease in his dancing and acting, which made one connect and empathize with him. Even though I didn't think of him as an incredible dancer, he was connected to the movement and was able to communicate the emotions behind each song. His acting and stage presence were memorable.

The entire cast of dancers were exploding with energy and enthusiasm but their performance was sometimes a bit fake. Expressions for a Bollywood dance, especially on stage, do have to be exaggerated, but a lot of dancers seemed to put on a face, rather than really feel the movement and then emote. There was a difference in the level even within the ensemble dancers. Several dancers from the cast did stand out on the basis of their skill and performance.

What I did really like, besides the amazing production of course, was the use of the SPACE. The action was not limited to the stage. Dancers often came into the audience. There were entries happening above the audience, with the use of aerial apparatus. The aerial dancers showered the audience with flower petals. At one point there was a "rainfall" of foam particles which landed on the audience, and we hurriedly covered our drink glasses! There were projection screens on either side of the stage, which were used well to enhance certain scenes.

Overall, the show was SPECTACULAR. I have been fortunate enough to have seen a lot of shows in various countries and cannot help but compare. I think the environment created by 'Zangoora' can compete with any international show and Bollywood has a mass appeal that cannot be ignored. The tickets, priced from Rs 1000 to Rs. 6000, may not be affordable for all, but are definitely worth it. Being a dancer, I cannot help but focus on the intricacies of the choreography but for those who can look beyond it, 'Zangoora' is a VISUAL TREAT. I am really excited that such an amazing facility has been created and I know it will pave the way for other productions that will only continue to evolve.